What a year!

This is possibly the most difficult blog I've attempted to write, I started it nearly a week ago. Difficult because I don't know where to begin, how to word the year, feelings and the person who I have become - that's becoming a bit of a tag line.

We're nearing the end of 2014, I'm still left wondering where the time has gone. Feels like seconds ago since I was on my way to SGP for the first NGYC meeting of the year and left wondering how I'd deal with a trip to Africa. Just think, that has all already passed. Sitting here now, knowing that I've got 6 assignments before graduating form uni, it's not just this year which has flown by. 

Sometimes, it's not until you take a step back, that you can see the developments which have been made. And it's now being able to relax and have a few days of not rushing around that I can really reflect on the journey through 2014. 

A year where dreams have literally come true, however cheesy it sounds, I feel fortunate to have worked with so many people, made some incredible friends and done some unreal things. It's been a year of realisation, worry, elation, pride, excitement, and near enough every other feeling imaginable. Someone said to me in January, 'This is your year' I honestly didn't believe it would be. 

Arriving into January off the back of a difficult family event, it would be easy to to assume I'd start in the bad mood as I did last year, however the feelings were different. After having the best run up to Christmas, feelings of excitement and worry were the 2 prominent feelings. 

Although I'd been told not to, it was worry of being incompetent, that I wasn't good enough, I'd talked the talk but might not have been able to walk the walk. A serious position of unknown, not wanting to reveal feelings and worries in doubt of looking incapable and I guess weak. A completely different feeling of bitterness. This in the mix with excitement, knowing I would be about to embark on a terrific journey - along a path I've wanted to follow, but never knew how or what to expect. Knowing you want something, but not knowing how to make it happen or where the path would lead (hope that makes sense)! 
As I've written in many previous posts, being a part of The FA National Game Youth Council became a dream of mine after attending National Camp in 2012. I didn't know what it would entail, how I would ever fit in, what they even did to begin with.. But I knew, that's where I wanted to get to. 

To now have spent a year on the team, working my socks off to support the counties in the North West the best I can, working with and for the National Team, reaching our goal of youth council/ forum coverage in County FAs is an exceptional feeling. To know that my NGYC journey will last for at least another 6 months is extremely exciting. To get to support counties to the end of the season, see plans go through and be able to further build on what I've already done. That along with being able to support the delivery of National Camp again, it's literally what dreams are made of. 

Being honest, I was dubious at first, not fully knowing everyone on the team, but as the year has gone on, I wouldn't change anything or anyone. I've been able to work with such amazing people and really make a difference in football. 

There's no nice way to word it, nor will this come across right, but staying on for 6 months to me says, you've done it. Not you've made it, because nobody makes it's - there is always a way to be better - but I've hit the dream/goal. It's been everything I expected and more, I've revelled in meeting new people, taking on the challenge and proving to myself, more than others, that I'm good enough. It's helped me to direct my life into a possible career, it's allowed me to create and now develop new teams of people and influence my peers, young people across the country and the not so young people with young hearts. It's one thing to influence a young person at an event, it's another to influence adults and staff. 
From the Youth Council to Rwanda, being able to follow in the footsteps of Football Futures legends travelling across the world to use the game to develop others. I'm still learning from the experience, looking back thinking about the way I acted, events of the week and now wondering how they are getting on since we left. 

Just as university lecturers speak of the development and value of a degree far after graduating, I feel the same from my Changing Lives experience. It's learning to gain perspective, really understand the difference you've made in the life of another, no matter how small, which holds real value.

Although I don't believe in luck, Rwanda has made me believe in fate, just a little bit. Being ill on that final day was and is a blessing in disguise. Blinded by my own work and lack of belief, I hadn't seen the development of those around me. Being told of how my peers had got on, being able to compare the first day to the stories of the last. Seeing brief clips of videos encapsulating everything I had tried to teach them.. proving to me that development maybe small, but when you step back - the development is a lot bigger than you first thought. 

I've come home with a better perspective of the world and a greater understanding of the word development. It doesn't define getting from one stage to another, but the movement in-between. The work that goes into even just a small progression. It's not about arriving at 'B' but the pathway leading towards it.

I'm so incredibly grateful for being selected to go to Rwanda and will be forever grateful to have people believe in my abilities/ me as a person to make that decision. 

From Rwanda to Durham, attending their Football Futures Camp which lived up to and exceeded all of my expectations. Just seeing the incredible learning environment which had been created, the number of people who attended and how well run it was. By young leaders, for young leaders. Being able to share my journey at the end of the day was a pleasure. Literally another dream, I'm just Sarah from that little county of Shropshire, and I always will be. I don't see myself as anything else, just the football girl. It was incredibly humbling to be asked to speak, I've done some incredible things, but I don't think I'm an incredible person. I just work hard and enjoy what comes.

BUCS Football Futures Conference and the FA National Football Futures Camp, being able to support the running of both events. Enjoying working with young leaders and candidates whilst learning myself. And usually that's learning from my peers. Being able to influence, well try to, people in a similar way in which I had been when I attended Camp. Sitting on the other side of the event. I can remember literally buzzin' throughout the entire week, but also being able to remain calm and fulfil my role properly. Singing on the first night married with 1-1 conversations, a skill I saw in others when I attended Camp in 2012. This year I've come to recognise that working with people is what I enjoy most, maybe it's not so much the football bit at all, but the person bit. Working to support and develop another. The challenge is to now find a job which allows me to do just that. 

My last student summer was spent accomplishing a personal goal, in less than a month I learnt to drive, passed my test and bought a car. Something I set to hit at the start if the year, and it was a challenge itself to get through the frustrations and negative thoughts which each lesson brought with it. And I think I did alright, 3 minors later and I've a pink card with my name and mug shot on it.

Returning back to university to my final year. The one that counts apparently. It's not all fun and games, a struggle more like. Trying to balance other aspects if my life, find time to juggle and do my uni work. It turned to be a mental struggle, I don't want to be there. I want to be out in the world in a job which I look forwards to, being around people who actually might want to be there each day. A struggle influenced by external circumstances, decisions I has made which weren't paying off. But you can't learn from a mistake until it's made. I've hit my Christmas break, all assignments handed in on time and I don't think I've ever written this well. Might becoming a library resident, but I'm hoping it will pay off, hopefully.

Conscious of space, and your eyes as the reader. I'm going to try and wrap up this post. Try being the key word there. There is so much more that I could have written about here, and so much I've missed out, I know, I'm sorry. It's difficult, it's taken me ages to write this, now i don't want to stop. 

You can't move forwards until you decide to leave the space you're standing in, just as you can't learn from mistakes if you don't make them. I've made so many errors and mistakes this year, had so many moments where I've wondered what I'm doing and where I'm going. But it's felt really amazing to be lost in the right direction at times. As I said at the top, I've made some immense new friends who have helped me though a few challenges of recent. Met some incredible people who have inspired me and proved that I have a lot more to give. People who I've looked up to have now become close friends who have endured numerous deep conversations and millions of emails. And I've had the old guard who have propped me up when I was starting to falter. 

There have been odd moments which stand out the most, a brief conversation on the first evening at Camp, an email just before heading out to Rwanda, a phone call of youth council support and a gesture of approval to lead a group of young people. Yes, these are all small, but very significant gestures. Gestures which show the huge group of backing dancers I have supporting me through my life right now, backing dancers, featuring artists and a harmonic choir, who all help me feel and look a little bit better. So to the team of friends, family, mentors, peers, tutors and everyone else who has and continues to help me along my journey through life, a sincere THANK YOU! 

I know that there is struggle ahead, 4 months to complete my degree, decide which career path I wish to take and try and follow it. Decisions around volunteering opportunities, what do I and don't I accept. After a fantastic year, which has both rewarded and challenged me further, I've got to use all of the skills and qualities I've developed over the last few years to hit the finish line of one race before moving to the start line of another. Maybe it's not a new race, I might just be passing the baton on.

Thank you for reading this blog and keeping up with my journey though 2014, I hope you've been able to feel the elation and challenges. It's been a superb year, as I've said, I doubt next year will top it for experiences - but there will be numerous hurdles which will need me to use everything I've got and learnt to get over. 

Strange how Football Futures has prepared me for life using the power of football. 

'There are 2 types of people in life; those who want to be something and those who want to do something. '